


What I'd Do For You

by devilswreckedchewtoy (AmberFyre)



Series: Fight For All You Know [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU of an AU, Crossroads Deals & Demons, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, RP verse fic, Season 09 AU, Season/Series 09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 06:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16057811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberFyre/pseuds/devilswreckedchewtoy
Summary: Sam knew better, he really did. He thought he would be able to resist the notion. Watching the light die in Ben's eyes, he realized how wrong he was.





	What I'd Do For You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for wolfofthe141-archive for an RP verse. Unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own. As per usual, I own nothing but the story. Originally posted on tumblr.

_They say before you start a war,  
you better know what you're fighting for..._

Being a hunter often meant living on borrowed time.  You spend enough time hunting things stronger and faster than human and eventually you’re going to meet up with one who gets the better of you.  Sam knew this intimately, had died more than any single hunter except his brother, and been brought back by demon deals and the interference of angels.  It didn’t mean he slacked.  If anything he tried harder to avoid death, not wanting anyone else to be tempted to go to such lengths to bring him back should he die.

He’d lost a lot of people over the years.  Friends and family.  People he cared for and respected and missed when they were gone.  Only one before had tempted him to make a deal, even knowing that was a slippery slope that could lead nowhere good.  And he’d been certain that he wouldn’t be faced with such temptation ever again with anyone else.

Until this moment.

With Ben bleeding out in his arms (and how was he even still holding to life having lost that much blood?) Sam realized he had been so, so wrong.  There was no saving Ben from this.  He knew it and so did Ben, struggling to breathe around the blood Sam could hear bubbling in his lungs.

“No.  No no no.  You can’t die on me, Ben.  Come on.”  His voice was desperate, tears falling unheeded down his face as he held Ben’s hand knowing he couldn’t stop this.  Ben managed to squeeze his hand weakly and give him a small smile, his eyes so full of love and regret.  “Sorry, love.”  The words were a soft gasp, barely audible and Sam whimpered out another negation.

One last weak breath and Ben went still in Sam’s arms and for a moment Sam felt like his own breath had fled at the same moment.  He stared at Ben’s still face, willing him to breathe just one more time.  And when it didn’t happen Sam felt something open up in his chest.  A sense of loss that threatened to swallow him whole and left pain like he’d never felt in its wake.  He didn’t know how long he stayed there, holding Ben as he grew cold, mute with the pain raging through him.

He did know the moment when he made the decision that would change everything.  The moment the thought, _It should have been me_ took over everything.  And he would remember vividly gathering Ben up, carrying him back to the truck, driven half mad with grief but still mute, the pain eclipsing everything.

Sam knew he was making a damn selfish choice.  But besides knowing he couldn’t possibly go on with the loss that had robbed every color from the world leaching everything into a washed out grey, it wasn’t fair that _Ben_ was the one laying there dead, when it should have been him.  And he _knew_ Ben wouldn’t want him to do this.  He knew it clear to his toes and he just _didn’t care_.  Ben couldn’t be dead.

Finding a crossroads wasn’t hard.  And summoning a crossroads demon wasn’t either.  Sam had enough practice.  The demon that appeared was immediately suspicious.  After all, Sam and his brother had killed enough of them.  Honestly, Sam hadn’t been sure if one would even show up.  He wasn’t rational, wasn’t logical, was running on guilt and love and loss.  He didn’t say a word as he held up the demon killing knife, showing it to the demon before tossing it away.  Pulled out the holy water he carried and poured it on the ground.  All done mutely, every movement pain, the only thought in his head was the Ben was dead and he had to fix it.

The demon watched it all puzzled and suspicious.  There had to be a trap in this somewhere.  Other than the devil’s trap he was currently caught in.  Sam Winchester didn’t call crossroads demons to deal.  But Sam’s silence intrigued him and the look in those hooded hazel eyes wasn’t quite sane.  So he waited it out, trying to play it cool and not even bothering with the insults it might have tossed otherwise.  Somehow he knew Sam wouldn’t even register them.

Once Sam had divested himself of every weapon he carried, fighting the pain and loss, he pointed behind him to the truck sitting silently.  “I wanna make a trade.  His life for mine.”  The demon glanced over Sam’s shoulder towards the truck and a sudden knowing light entered his eyes.  Like the denizens of Hell weren’t aware of the fact that the younger Winchester had been hunting with someone other than his brother.

Sam wasn’t afraid of Hell, or death, or really much of anything like he was afraid of living without Ben.  He could survive anything as long as he knew Ben was alive somewhere.  He couldn’t, wouldn’t, live without him.  There wasn’t the usual dickering to come to an agreement, mostly because Sam wasn’t trying to get anything other than what he’d said.  His life for Ben’s.  He’d tried this once before, for Dean, and been refused.  But that had been because the demons had needed Dean in Hell, needed him to break the first seal to get the Apocalypse going.  Had needed Sam to follow a certain path.

That wasn’t the case now.  There were no seals to be broken, Michael and Lucifer were both in the cage.  There was only one real stumbling block Sam could see to this.  Crowley.

Which, as it turned out, was exactly where the demon ended up.  Crossroads deals it had closed by the dozens.  But this was fucking Sam Winchester and if he made this deal without clearing it with Crowley, he might as well stab himself with that damn blade.  At which point Sam knew he was going to have to get creative.  If only because Crowley would stall on this just for the sake of tormenting Sam further.

And Sam hesitated for a moment.  Long enough for rational thought to break through the tide of loss eating him from the inside out and wonder if he knew exactly what he was doing.  Then he glanced back at the truck where Ben’s body was and he realized he _didn’t fucking care_.  He should have started with Crowley in the first place.

Haggling with Crowley took more than Sam had really been bargaining for.  And for all the years he’d had to deal with the demon, it wasn’t as though his track record for wins was good.  The difference was that at the moment Sam had nothing to lose.  Which meant Crowley had no leverage against him.  And it finally came down to Sam giving Crowley his own ultimatum.  Take him now and restore Ben’s life and only have one Winchester live and wandering about to deal with… or Sam would use everything in him to tear Crowley and Hell apart.

At which point the self-proclaimed King of Hell had to make a choice.  Have Sam Winchester where he could keep an eye on him at all times, or wonder when exactly the younger Winchester was going to end him.  Because looking into those hazel eyes, he realized Sam meant every damn word in a way he never had before, even when he’d been a soulless bastard.  Crowley looked into Sam’s eyes and realized that refusing this deal was the last thing he wanted to do.  For all that Dean was a killer and everyone knew it, there was a reason Sam had been meant for Lucifer.

It was also why Crowley didn’t want him in Hell.  But he’d have a better chance of ridding himself of Sam with him in Hell than roaming about topside just barely hanging on to sanity.  And for what?  Sam hadn’t even been willing to go this far for his brother.  In the end, Crowley decided knowing where Sam was was better than not knowing and decided to deal.

Something he would regret.

The only thing Sam asked was to say good-bye to Ben.  He ran a finger along Ben’s face, so so cold, cold as only a corpse could be.  He leaned in close to whisper softly, “I’m sorry.  I love you.”

Watching Ben wake from death hurt almost as much as watching him die in the first place.  The confusion and disorientation in those hazel eyes as he stared at Sam.  Sam only had time to give him a small sad smile, to see Ben’s eyes widen, see him shake his head once.

That look was the last thing Sam saw before his soul was carted down to Hell.  And that look did what none in Hell, nor Heaven, could have done.


End file.
